Feel like a zombie?

This  October, we are all feeling the pinch of the global economic meltdown, the stupidity of attention seeking parents who use their children as TV bait, and the sheer ludicrousness of the little dung balls of “wisdom” that plop out of a certain Youth leader’s mouth.

It’s in moments like these that I despair for the human race! We live in a country that allows a failed high school student to dictate how they should think – even the president doesn’t get as much air time as this dude does. He decided that the national soccer coach should be fired because the team wasn’t winning games. And LO! Today we get the news that Joel Santana is going (with a platinum handshake). Rumour has it that Carlos Alberto Parreria is going to return (at what cost to the severely struggling tax payers?) But if Julie-baby has his way, Lucas Radebe will be in the unenviable position of being appointed because His Lowness decrees it!

At what point should the population stand up object to the squandering of tax payers money on stuff that doesn’t ultimately benefit the people in need?

Barak Obama gets my sympathy. He is trying his hardest to reform Health Care in the US, but is being met with resistance on all sides.  Our health care innovation in recent times consisted of a minister who advocated root vegetables for HIV treatment.  And now they have sent her off  (probably with a basket of african potatoes, beetroot and garlic like a bloated little red riding hood) to help Caster Semenya. Yikes! If I was Caster, I would be running very very fast in the opposite direction!

There is something somewhat demented in a world that knows a father is an attention-seeking git, yet he and his children get air time on the Larry King show. This after it has emerged that he faked his 6-year old’s peril in a home made hot air balloon, wasted huge amounts of tax dollars on rescue services and is being prosecuted. He should be ignored. By giving him publicity, we are just feeding the beast!

There is something even more demented about a world that wants to send a 6-year old  to a school for troublemakers. Why? Because the cute little dude brought his favourite folding camping cutlery set to school. I can just see him, all bright and shiny and eager to get to school. Ready to show his teacher and friends his most prized possession. Knee jerk reactions from the teacher sent the school board in Christina, Delaware into a tizzy and had them issuing the harsh decree. How dumb can people be?

feel like this?

My kids came home with an interesting fact from school. I don’t know the basis, but it makes sense. They said that despite the recession, candy manufacturers have not been as hard hit as other businesses. It seems that as a low cost item, we still find the money to buy that bag of sweets to make our day a little nicer. With Halloween around the corner, it’s quite heartening to know.

But spare a thought for the poor people of Scotia and Glenville, in upstate New York. This Halloween, they are allowed to go trick-or-treating, but they must be done by 8 pm and porch lights must be OUT by town decree! I kid you not – Check it out here. Makes you wonder if the people of these towns feel a bit like zombies.

Okay, so next time you feel like you are being treated like a brainless automaton – get your zombie shirt out and storm town hall – the only problem being that there are no brains in the building to provide you with sustenance.

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Let’s drug the world!

Give them roots and help them flourish

One of my facebook buddies just posted a Youtube video which was hilarious, but sad. Clearly this adult is not smarter than a 5th grader. It’s gratifying that the 5th grader actually got it right though!

I grew up with a mother who has a voracious appetite for reading and acquiring information. In the 70s she was national champion of the Venture quiz show and joint winner of a radio travel quiz. She starts a lot of conversations with “I wonder…”; “Did you know….”;  “I wonder what…”; .

I’m not moaning really because this intense interest in the world and the written word led us to be almost as curious as she is and to realise that to have just a fraction of the knowledge out there is to be rich. I was thrilled when my son decided that he really really couldn’t survive without a copy of “How to Avoid a Wombat’s Bum” Okay so it really helps that Mitchell Symons picks information and titles that really appeal to your average 12 year old.

This son, who has inherited his grandmother’s voracious appetite for acquiring knowledge, is not thriving at school. He fidgets and misses information, he is amazingly disorganised. His teacher asked me to have him assessed, because he was clearly bright, but as she put it “it looks like he is bursting with ideas and concepts, but he is getting so frustrated with himself because he is missing the point most of the time.”    She, thankfully, did not bring up that boring old acronym “ADD”.

We went to a highly recommended educational psychologist, for testing. It turns out that, in her opinion, the kid is not ADD, but is “the boy with two brains”. He is of superior IQ. But there is a catch! His left (logical, verbal, organised) side of the brain is above-average. His right (creative, non-verbal, conceptual) side of his brain is gifted. There is a 21 point disparity between the two. She described it as having two different people in your head speaking two different languages. It explains the disorganisation, the guitar lessons that ROCK and the continual need for nagging over the simplest tasks – he is in a completely different world!

A note to all simpering parents who say their children are “gifted” to excuse their bratty behaviour: You would run a mile if your child was really gifted…it’s no picnic! And any gifted child is quite capable of having good manners.

In addition, we have to visit a neurologist for an EEG to check that the physiological side of the brain is working normally (just in case…horror words for a parent). After 5 weeks of waiting for our appointment, it arrives, the day after International Teachers’ Day. The EEG clearly illustrates the differences in the two sides of the brain, but there are no reasons to worry physiologically. Phew we are off that hook, but not before the neurologist suggest that Ritalin could be prescribed to help the boy concentrate… This is the moment I lose all respect for the man.

Perhaps he is too used to parents who would gladly shove a whole pharmacy full of pills into their children to make them conform. Maybe he has shares in the company that makes the drug. Maybe he sees me as a cash cow – Ritalin users have to be evaluated every 6 months – at R1200 a pop, it’s a nice little earner. But I am not going to subject my son to a dumbing down pill and these possible  side effects, just because it seems like the easy answer.

We are planning Auditory Integration Training, swimming (to help the two sides of the brain coordinate physically), the ROCKING guitar lesson are great, and some study skills therapy to help him harness the creative side of the brain to get the boring old linear work expected from school out of his head and onto the page! Dietary options will be explored but drugs will not be taken.

Thank you to the teacher who does not insisted on drugged-to-the-eyeballs students. For Teachers Day, in addition to other gifts, we gave her the card pictured above. The tree represents the roots that a great foundation education provides and the leaves, the flourishing that an insightful teacher can provide. It’s cool – there is not a drop of ink on the card. The trunk is lazer engraved to show the inner part of the card stock, while the leaves are lazer cut-outs. Any colour paper can be slotted into the inside of the card, so the leaves can be any colour at all!

Talking about honouring teachers, how cute is this “we love you” mug we printed for a class of 2nd graders for their much loved teacher!

Are you free?

Do you agree?

Not are you in prison?  or  Have you been abducted and kept as a sex slave in a garden shed for umpteen years?

But…

Are you free?

Don’t you think that some are shackled by ideas that keep their minds in chains?

A school in Middle-of-Nowhere, USA has wasted about $700 on t-shirts for their marching band because they depicted the evolution of man as well as the evolution of music. This is one of those daft towns where the school district (yes! Educators who are supposed to be educating!) probably voted not to allow the Theory of Evolution to be taught (or mentioned, or probably even thought about). My favourite stupid quote from the article: “I was disappointed with the image on the shirt. I don’t think evolution should be associated with our school.”  Reading between the lines: Development of  scientifically based theories, advancement in knowledge and thinking outside the religious box are not allowed in Education!

Can we all scream now?

They don’t want to admit that the origin of mankind can be traced back by science… They deny the theories of Charles Darwin as they feel they clash with the concept of creation depicted in the Bible.

If we follow this argument logically then  South Africa must be one of the most anti-biblical countries in the world. And the World Heritage Sites in the Cradle of Humankind are some sort of pagan conspiracy.

One of my favourite quotations: “Only the educated are free” is attributed to Epictetus – A Greek-born Roman slave and Stoic philosopher… He had to know what he was talking about having experienced slavery and freedom.

If you are educated enough to know that sticking to a narrow mindset will get your brain locked away forever… go back to school and thank the teacher who turned the key that set you free… Mr Malema need not bother.

International Teachers’ Day – 5 October 2009

They brew the right ideas - give them the vessel to prove it!

9/11 – where were you?

Everyone remembers where they were on September 11, 2001.

I was in a PTA meeting in New Jersey, about 30 miles away from the Twin Towers. Prime commuter territory for Manhattan. Shortly after the first plane hit the first Tower, the secretaries from the office rushed into the meeting with the news. At that point in time, everyone thought it was a small plane, and that it was terrible, but not disastrous. There was a fumble for cell phones as most of the mothers in the meeting panicked about their husbands many of whom worked in the financial district.

Sitting two seats away was a woman whose husband had called her: He was in his office on a floor above the crash site. She was not to worry as he was going to get out. He loved her. ..  She is one of the 9/11 widows in that small New Jersey town.

By the time the second plane hit, the meeting had disbanded. The soon to be widow was taken home by a comforting posse of friends. I walked home and found my answer machine full of panicked messages from Africa. Not my parents – they knew I was unlikely to be downtown that early inthe morning – but from friends whose parents had been staying with me. I had forgotten all about them!

These two lovely people had been my house guest for five days while they explored New York. They had been up the Twin Towers two days before. They were on their way to Seattle and I had waved them off at 5:00am that morning as a cab took them off to JFK airport – an hour’s drive and two bridges away from New Jersey. Now no one knew where they were!

The American Airlines Call Centre in Florida was being a bit cagey – no they could not give me any details of the flight. I told them that I was trying to find two retired South African tourists who would truly be stranded if the plane had been forced to land in some godforsaken backwater. I was also concerned that their plane could have been a target plane – a long haul flight full to the gills with lovely combustible aviation fuel, leaving around the right time – perhaps the terrorists were not finished with this campaign? Eventually I asked the right question: Could they tell me if the plane had taken off? The answer – “No – it had not taken off”. Phew! They were stranded on Long Island!

There was no way for me to get hold of them, but eventually they managed to call on a borrowed phone and let me know that they had found a cab, found a hotel room (further away from NYC than the airport) and they were okay. The redoubtable husband had even taken on the airport authorities and insisted on getting his luggage back! A smart move in retrospect as many people had their luggage looted by the kindof human vermin that love chaos. My small crisis had been averted. They never got to go to Seattle or LA or Las Vegas as planned, after 3 days of being stranded, they came back to my house and waited out the travel blackout before returning home.

In our small town there were about 11 dead. But there were also the miracle stories. People who had meetings in one the Towers but had been delayed by traffic or in the case of a close friend had been answer urgent emails in his office in Jersey City and had set out late for the meeting. We all climbed to the top of the highest hill in town and could see the buildings burning… It seemed that no one slept very well – but everyone pitched in. We donated clean socks, bottled water, blankets, food batteries and flashlights to the firefighters who were searching Ground Zero. We extended helping hands to bereaved families. We said many many prayers and wondered if they were heard. This spirit is being remember this year.

9/11 reforged a nation that had been soft and secure and complacent. Friends were shocked when I mentioned that they had experienced in one excruciating day what the rest of the world had suffered for decades.  They had not considered themselves in that light.

The mood in America became very nationalistic, and not necessarily for the good. A few years later, once the war in Iraq had started, my proudly South African flag I hung outside my house as an ironic counterpoint to all the star-spangled banners, was ripped down, as was my flag holder. I felt violated and angry and also sad that a fight I had not entered into had made an impact on my freedom.

Eight years on – I hope that Obama manages to get American troops out of the middle east, because it is impossible to heal while the wound is kept open.

The fashion police fail…

This image inspired by our trip to the vet...I think I'm gonna print it on a mug!

In a misguided attempt to get down to anorexic proportions, Zoid, the bearded dragon supermodel mentioned in an earlier post, had stopped  pooping and eating (which believe it or not is a concern with lizards as they are regular!).  We were advised by the vet to administer a teaspoon of sunflower oil.

Yeah Thanks! Bearded dragons are one of the most popular species of lizards as pets because they are gregarious and unagressive, unlike their larger cousins. But there is nothing sociable about a lizard you are trying to force feed cooking oil! Half a bottle of sunflower oil ended up splashed around the kitchen before we managed to get the beastie’s mouth open long enough to get a smidgeon down it’s  gullet. We did eventually succeed, but not before Zoid’s sharp claws had cause enough damage to make us consider opening a private blood bank.

I would love to report that our pathetic attempts worked. They didn’t, so we had to take the reluctant reptile off to the vet for a visit. Zoid was wearing one of the howlingmad Lizzie Veston range of harnesses, which worked quite well to keep her from hiding under the sterilizer.

The vet examined Zoid and concluded that she was constipated. Reeling from the shock of discoverying that the up to now “he” lizard was actually a she was bad enough… finding out that the vet was about to give her an enema was hilarious. “Good luck with that!” I thought, hoping the vet had ample supply of bandaids.

A very indignant lizard was treated  (the vet had nary a scratch!) and after a while, produced the goods. Microscopic examination revealed pin worms! Who knew that reptiles could get parasites?

So here we are with a girl lizard called Zoid which is somewhat amusing as zoids are reproductive cells. To add insult to injury, I had grabbed the first prototype harness on hand… It was the one covered with smiley faces! Just the kind of thing one would want to wear when having warm soapy water whooshed up your wazoo!

The smiley harness and nine other designs will be launched at the Exotic Pet show 3-4 October at the Kyalami Convention Centre they are also available on our website – www.howlingmad.co.za

Taxi!

The must wear design for all South Africans abroad!

Other countries deal with moose or kangaroos or hedgehogs crossing the roads. Here in South Africa the hazards are people, goats and worst of all, taxis. There is not a  South African driver who has not had a close encounter of the hair-raising kind with a “mini-bus” taxi. Every week there are news reports of horrific accidents involving taxis or shocked newspaper articles about taxis running over school children.  We are all briefly up in arms, but then the usual reaction sets in – Ho hum, some other poor sod had a taxi  – stop suddenly in front of them/veer across three lanes of traffic/burst into flames/scream through a red light at top speed/take a turn too fast and end up rolling/sideswipe your car as it gets back on the official road, having driven down the emergency lane for the last 10 kilometres (circle applicable).

The government has finally instituted the BRT (Bus Rapid Transit) system. This is the hopes that spectators will be able to get to soccer matches in one piece in 2010 perhaps? The petulant taxi industry is having a tantrum. They don’t want the buses in their sandbox and so they are holding their collective breaths until the buses go home.  Competition is not something they like at all. In fact rival taxi companies have been known to have gunfights at the sightest provocation – another reason to avoid them!

I want to say: “Go ahead – take your toys and go home, I love the roads without taxis on them.” But there are people who desperately need taxis to get them to and from work and it’s not great for the economy… hopefully the BRT will be able to cope despite first day chaos and the need for these death traps on wheels will decrease.

I am enjoying the taxi free roads in the meantime.

The write stuff

Have you ever wondered how pencils and pens are made? Have you ever wondered what happens to the little stubs or the pen that ran out of ink and you trashed?

We have clients who swear by the pen as the most popular giveaway item for their clients. These are not fabulously posh pens, but pretty cheap functional pens. The kinds you can lose and not worry about too much. In fact I think our pen crazy clients have clients of their own who are somewhat careless with their pens – after all, they can always go back and get another one for free! There are huge drawbacks – branded pens have to go to the printers and have names printed on them. Lots of carbon footprints in the form of delivery to the printers, delivery back to us to check the job, delivery to the clients and a bunch of nasty solvents for the ink.

I have recently been contemplating the life cycle of the average ball point and all I keep thinking of is the billions of little plastic tubes that are filling up the landfills of the world (along with all our other junk). Without a doubt, the inexpensive ballpoint pen has become one of those everyday objects that we just don’t really think about until some ratfink takes the one next to the phone.

I am a bit of a pen snob. I like to find a writing instrument that works well for my style. One with which I can doodle successfully while soothing the shattered psyches of clients who forgot to order their printing until the very last minute. Good pens and pencils are comforting. But then that little Jiminy Cricket conscience kicks in….”where do dead pens and pencils go?”

And why should I care about pencils – they are made of wood aren’t they? They will eventually biodegrade after the paint and varnish has worn away. But what about the tree they originally came from? Pencils are not made from just any old wood. In the beginning of pencil manufacturing, the favoured timber for pencils was Red Cedar as it was aromatic and did not splinter when sharpened. In the early 1900s supplies of Red Cedar were dwindling so that pencil manufacturers were forced to recycle the wood from cedar fences and barns to maintain supply.  It was soon discovered that Incense Cedar,  was a suitable alternative and most pencils today are made from this timber which is grown in managed forests. Over 14 billion pencils are manufactured worldwide annually.

Okay, so the forests are managed, but what if there were alternatives?

There are…

Recycled paper pencils are avaliable. The part that is usually made of wood in conventional pencils is made from compressed recycled paper. It works just as well and you can even recycle the shavings when you sharpen the pencil. They are nice pencils to use – softish, but not smudgy.

And…

Biodegradable pens! These fabulously inventive writing instruments are made from cardboard and biodegradable plastic. The only bit that is going to last forever is the metal tip! I have tested them. The cardboard is sturdy – as study as the plastic pens and they are avaliable in a variety of different coloured tops and bottoms. They write perfectly well and we can brand them with a lazer engraver!  In other words the client’s logo gets burned into the pen. Yes the lazer engraver uses electricity – but compare 10 seconds of engrave per pen to kilometers of delivery gas plus ink solvents and the moral dilemma is solved. The paper pencils can be branded the same way too.

Jiminy Cricket can go and bug someone else!

Calling all Lounge Lizards

Haute couture for reptiles has hit our howlingmad world. We have signed up famous French fashion designer Lizzie Veston to create a range of ultra chic leather harnesses for lizards of all shapes and sizes. When her initial design arrived we had to find some models. The only choice was those spikey, scaly, kings of bug-eating, our very own Australian super models, Zoid and Cody (Elle McPherson and Sports Illustrated eat your hearts out).

The apparel fit perfectly and they thoroughly enjoyed their moments under the flash bulb. Even the indignity of having to be propped up to show their underbellies. Who said modelling was easy?

Calling all lounge lizards. Stuck in a tank all day? Fed up with the same old scenery? Lizzie Veston apparel will allow your butler to take you into a lush new garden environment where you can smell the roses (maybe even nibble a few petals), all while wearing the latest in herpetological haute couture. Iguana or dragon, stop draggin’ around in the same tired old skin… jazz it up with a leather loop, lazer etched with tribal tattoo designs. Featured design: “it’s a hoot”

Cody struts his stuff and eventually strikes quite an effete pose with the help of his personal assistant

Freedom

We had SOOOOO much fun recently when our local high school put on their annual Major Production. It was written by one of the teachers and included a lot of singing and dancing.

One of our designers had children in the production and offered to design a logo and put together the layouts for progammes and tickets. Because, let’s face it, school production paperwork relies heavily on photocopying and if you don’t get it right, they look awful.

In addition we created crew t-shirts and offered all the cast and crew members Freedom coffee mugs. These included the logo design as well as the entire cast and crew list! The design was a hit and hopefully the people involved will get a blast from drinking out of their freedom mugs.

Jeremy Mansfield mugs Whackhead and we mug him back

Those of you who listen to 94.7 Highveld Stereo will have heard Jeremy Mansfield throw a coffee mug at Whackhead Simpson’s head on Thursday morning.

This excellent demonstration of a mugging technique was part of an on going battle between Jeremy and his team. They insist on torturing him with the sound of a dentists drill and he retaliates.

Hostilities started some months ago when Jeremy had a dental malfunction and was talking about having to go to the dentist. Paul continually played the drill sound, ignoring Jeremy’s pleas for a cease fire and eventually  Jeremy stormed out of the studio. As a result of this mini-drama, one of the listeners nominated “Dental Assistant” as the  job she wanted Jeremy to perform as part of the MNet “I wanna be” reality TV series.

On Thursday, this listener was in the studio as her nomination had won and a very unhappy Jeremy was interviewing her.  Paul threatened to play the drill sound effect again and Jeremy threatened to throw a coffee mug at him. Whackhead Simpson, safely on the sideline, was urging Paul to press the button…. Jeremy decided to switch the game around and told Paul that if he pushed the button, he would throw the mug at Whackhead.

Paul pushed the button.

Whackhead got mugged.

Jeremy broke a coffee mug.

We had an idea….

We designed it, made it and sent it to Jeremy Mansfield…. and asked him if he wanted to have the sales of these Mugger Mugs go to charity… watch this space.